Mental Breakdown

I'm really stressing out about one class that I'm taking...

Perhaps you've experienced something similar (I think I'm mainly speaking to those who are in high school and college/university... it's a very specific mental breakdown).

My school has this thing where you're able to check your grades and find out what you scored for certain assignments or find out what you're missing.  It's an awesome tool, but sometimes it causes unnecessary freak-outs, like tonight's.

Tonight I logged on to this website and to my shock and horror, I was receiving a failing grade in my physics class.  Now, I knew I wasn't good at physics and that I had to work harder than some just to stay floating at a C or B.  Tonight, after stressing a lot at school today because of extra work in another class (which I discovered tonight that that class is the least of my worries), this was the last thing that I wanted to see.  I was pushed into the deep end.  I fell apart in front of my dad because after I told him what I saw on the grade website, I was afraid of what he thought and I was afraid of what my mom would think when she saw what I was receiving for that class herself (because parents can look at this website as well, and she's very good about that).

Let me start at the beginning of this week.  Actually, Sunday.

Sunday, I was on a bus for eight hours.  I was reading a book that has a tendency to make me fall asleep (if I recover, you will hear about it later this week when it gets a review).  I just barely finished it.  I'm aware that I have a lot of other work that I need to get done, but I know that I have an extra day to do a lot of that work. Apparently my Sunday sub-conscience didn't pass that memo on to my Monday sub-conscience, because when I get back to class on Monday, I'm freaking out over all of these things that I have to do that I couldn't do over the weekend due to my lack of computer access.  I had a mini meltdown in that class, though it was mostly contained and no children were hurt.  The adults survived as well.  Fast forward to Tuesday (er, today).  I've turned in some of the things that I needed to, but there are some new assignments that are due this Friday and some things that I need to make up for.  I'm still stressing about those things because even though it probably isn't a lot of work, it certainly looks like it is, and for now, that's all that matters.  My stress level rises a little when we get an assignment that I only sort of know what I have to do.  Math is surprisingly not a contributing factor to my stress.  Thank god... I really don't need that... We get to fifth hour and I get my individual test that I took yesterday.  I got 15/43.  I'm not proud of it.  I shouldn't even be justifying that score by saying, "At least I didn't get a one like someone did."  Someone did get a one on that test and I was happy that it wasn't me, but I was basically in tears after finding this out.  I told Jack what I got and he said, "Well, physics isn't your thing."  He was trying to make me feel better, but it only made me feel crappier for whatever reason.

Did I mention that I have testing next week?

My phrase of the day is: Keep calm and carry on.  I don't know who said it or where it came from (besides a t-shirt), but those are words of wisdom, my friends.  There is very little I can do at this point.  A found a missing assignment for fifth hour, I'm constantly working on the large pile for the other class, so that is slowly but surely becoming a smaller pile.  My stress is slowly melting away as everything begins to resolve themselves.

I apologize for the frantic and passionate blog post.  I'll try to keep these to a minimum.  This is one of those instances where the blog post really needed to be written.  In fact, I feel a lot better having written it.

Thanks for reading!

--Jude

P.S. The thing that made me smile while writing this post was looking for a picture to go with it (which never happened, quite obviously).  I went to Google Images and typed in 'mental breakdown.'  One of the first few pictures to come up was Brittney Spears with her shaved head :)