The past few days have been pretty rough. I've never been good at saying goodbyes. I've packed up my room and early this morning, I moved out of my room permanently. My dorm has returned to looking like a hospital room, just as I'd found it in August. It's the cleanest that room has been in months (those who know me in person won't be surprised).
On Tuesday, we had our end of semester "borrel" or get together with drinks. It was fun because we were talking about some of our favorite memories from throughout the semester. It wasn't even something where we went around the table. It just happened because it felt right. Afterwards, I grabbed my drawings off the walls, said goodbye to Steef, and that was the last I saw of Central College. I think that was the first time things really hit home for me. Leaving Central College for the last time signaled to me that this is it.
Yesterday we said goodbye to Kristin. She and her friend from school got on a overnight bus to go to Berlin. I think they're going to spend some time in Prague too. Once again, this signaled the end for me and I became sad again.
Also yesterday, I sold Remy, my bike, and I brought my bags to The Hague where LouAnn's family will hold them for me until closer to when I leave. It's incredibly nice of her.
This morning, I was hoping to say 'see you later" in person to Marika and Abby, but I was up much earlier than them. I wrote them notes and slid them under their doors. I hope they get them. Abby, after she packs up her room with the help of her sister, will reunite with the rest of her family and at some point they'll go to Iraly and Spain before heading back to the US. Marika flies back to the US today sometime, but in a few days she'll turn right back around and fly to Australia to spend time with her sister. Me, I'm going to be in Italy until the morning of the 23rd of this month. I decided to do it to celebrate my 21st birthday. It'll be strange not having family or friends around, but I think the beauty and history of Rome will make up for that just this once. I keep forgetting that my birthday is on Saturday. There's just so many other things going on all at once.
Needless to say, I'm a little emotionally unstable right now. I'm really stressed, easy to upset, and prone to crying a lot lately. In short, I'm a mess. But I keep telling myself that I won't always be this way. Eventually, I'll make it home and I'll feel this sense of normalcy. I will know that everyone around me speaks My language and will understand certain words and phrases that I use all the time. I'll go back to St. Kate's and I'll know where things are again and how things work. Things will get better.
This time of the semester is made even more difficult because I don't have just one emotion to focus on. I have plenty of things to be happy about and to look forward to. I have a wonderful trip to Italy ahead of me, I'll turn 21, there are only nine days until Jack arrives in the Netherlands, and Christmas is coming up (and more importantly, I won't be spending Christmas alone).
So I'm conflicted. I'm upset for a variety of reasons but I have plenty to be happy about as we'll. I talked to Abby, Kristin, and Marika about this and they're feeling similar. That's a little comforting, I suppose.
So, that's where I am right now.