7 Reasons Why Braces Suck

(Don't worry, they're fake.  If they weren't, this would be incredibly gross...)

1. The Ability to Whistle Vanishes Entirely or is Significantly Reduced.  Personal Experience.  When I was younger and my teeth were "screwed up" (my mother admits that my teeth weren't that bad.  They could have been much worse, any way), I was able to whistle quite loudly.  My childhood friends and I would hold impromptu contests to see who could whistle the loudest.  Most of the time, I would win.  Sometimes my friends got lucky.  Five or six years ago, when I got my braces off, I found that I could not whistle.  Or when I could muster up a whistle, it was absolutely pathetic.  It's because my teeth have shifted so that they're the "right way" and now they have no whistling capability.  Or a very reduced whistling capability.

2. Flossing is Impossible.  My orthodontists and dentist kept giving me these strange flossing wands so that I could floss.  They still give them to me now because I have a permanent retainer on my bottom teeth and I still need to floss them.  But it's like a pep-talk.  Once I left the dentist, I was all excited about flossing and that's what I wanted to do as soon as I go home!  I would thread the flossing wand and begin flossing with a lot of gusto!  Then I realized just how many spaces there were between my teeth... there are a lot... flossing took a long time, and then I realized why I hate flossing.  Then I wouldn't floss.  Then my mom would remind me that I had an orthodontist/dentist appointment the next morning and I would rush to the bathroom and floss and brush my teeth really well (I'm a good brusher, just not flosser) and I would do the same thing the next morning so that when I walked into that office and sat in that chair, the dentist/orthodontist believed that I had been doing precisely as they asked me to do.

3. No gummy Foods for as Long as They're on Your Teeth.  I loved fruit snacks when I had braces.  I would eat gummy food any way and no bracket ever broke off, but let me tell you how nearly impossible it is to get the gummy food out from between the wires and away from your brackets.  It's horrible.

4. You Can't Actually Pick Up Radio Stations.  I will admit that I've tried this several times.

5. Everything Gets Stuck In Them!  'Nough said.

6. Orthodontists Are Big Liars.  Before I continue, I would like to take this moment to apologize if you are a dentist/orthodontist and are reading this.  Personal story that isn't mine.  My sister is finally going to begin the process of getting her braces taken off in less that two weeks.  At the beginning of her term, before they were even on, she was told that she would get them off in about two years (which, if you don't know, if fairly basic).  Almost a year after that deadline, she still has them on because the orthodontist just wasn't satisfied with their lineage (or the way the were lined up... I'm not sure if that's the proper way to use this word).

7. Horrible School Pictures That Make You Not Want to Smile a Tooth Smile for a Long Time.  I was unfortunate enough to have two school pictures with my braces on.  I discovered that if you smile and you have darker-colored braces on (I'll say that I did about 70-80% of the time) it looks like, from a distance, that you have holes in your teeth.  That's how mine looked any way.  So I only smiled in pictures with my mouth closed, and then when I got them taken off, I couldn't remember how to smile with my teeth showing without being awkward.

Thanks for Reading!

--Jude